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Some Temperature-Based Pun: C’s 79, Heat 93

 
Boston Celtics 79 FinalRecap | Box Score 93 Miami Heat
Paul Pierce, SF 40 MIN | 5-18 FG | 0-0 FT | 2 REB | 3 AST | 12 PTS | -16
“What a relief to be done with Andre Iguodala. Can’t wait to get all kinds of open layups and great looks on my jumper and plenty of passing lanes and–”
(A six-eight 350-pound shadow falls over Pierce)
“Gulp!”Pierce looked like the 2014 version of himself in this one, having trouble not only with LeBron but the length of vaunted interior defenders Shane Battier (also 6’8″) and Udonis Haslem (same). The fact that he attempted ZERO free throws with all the times he got knocked down on drives is a little cuckoobutters, though.
Brandon Bass, PF 34 MIN | 4-11 FG | 0-2 FT | 2 REB | 1 AST | 8 PTS | -11
Bass opted out of forcing annoying object of newspaper columnist lust Shane Battier to defend him in the post, instead attempting a bunch of Boshy short jumpers and missing them. Of all the players on both teams who got actual minutes, Bass outrebounded only James Jones, who, given the 24 extra minutes that Bass got, would almost certainly have matched him. Use your hands, bud.
Kevin Garnett, PF 31 MIN | 9-16 FG | 5-6 FT | 10 REB | 2 AST | 23 PTS | -9
Dutifully kept up his end of the bargain and put up nice numbers against an undersized team. Still: he caught a little of the oldness disease that was going around tonight. When Wade lost Ray on virtually every possession, KG looked a little slower than usual helping out. Nitpicking! He’s the best.
Ray Allen, SG 39 MIN | 1-7 FG | 3-7 FT | 5 REB | 2 AST | 6 PTS | -9
This game reminded me of when I was a kid and our old dog couldn’t get up the stairs and my parents looked at each other knowingly. Except the difference is that I’m actively rooting for Doc to drive Ray to the vet and replace his dog minutes with Pietrus, Dooling, or Pavlovic, three guys who can keep up with Wade while keeping the missed shots to a minimum. I love Ray. But this is not how I want to remember him.
Rajon Rondo, PG 44 MIN | 8-20 FG | 0-0 FT | 9 REB | 7 AST | 16 PTS | -15
One of those misleading Rondo games: the numbers are fine, but his impact was pretty minimal, I guess because Pierce didn’t foul out of this one.
Keyon Dooling, PG 12 MIN | 1-3 FG | 0-0 FT | 0 REB | 1 AST | 3 PTS | -5
Weirdly forgot about this until now, but back in January this slightly older version of myself zapped into my kitchen and told me that in five months I’d actually be hoping Keyon Dooling got a starting job. Did not listen, sent him on his way.
Mickael Pietrus, SF 17 MIN | 0-1 FG | 1-4 FT | 0 REB | 0 AST | 1 PTS | -11
Again, I’d rather see him out there than Ray, even if he wore an electrified collar that stopped him from crossing halfcourt to play offense. That might be a good option, actually.
Greg Stiemsma, C 12 MIN | 2-2 FG | 2-2 FT | 4 REB | 1 AST | 6 PTS | -3
I bet on nights like this Greg is very, very quiet in the clubhouse even though secretly he thinks he played pretty well.
  • Lantrell Walker

    It's like I've been saying this entire postseason, the playoffs are a chess match of adjustments. Just a few tweaks here and there & we'll be primed for a split. I like the idea of switching the pick-and-rolls, but we've gotta secure the defensive boards after those long jumpers are taken. Just shoot better from the line & feed Miami a steady dose of KG on the block and we'll win Game 2.

    #WeBelieveIn18

  • http://www.jasonwhetzell.com jason

    hahaha electric collar comment was comedy genius!

  • Anthony

    I'm a bit upset with these so-called expert (especially Jon Barry) who keeps saying how badly the Celts were outplayed tonite. Miami shot 50% and had a +15 rebound advantage. Both of those are not the norm even against a tired Celts team. Compound that with the moronic refs and a 10 missed FT (again not the norm), the game should've been alot closer than it is. Davenport also points out how Pierce went to the line 0 times.

    Am I wrong or wasn't Miami supposed to be the big favorite to win the series? Why then are the refs giving them additional help? While I don't and can't completely blame the refs for the loss, the way the games are called leave so much to be desire. In the entire post-season, there has only been a handful of games that actually felt like and had the intensity of a playoff (a couple of the Grizzlies- Clippers game come to mind). How you make all those tech calls in a so-call playoff game, an ECF no less, is beyond me.

    David Stern… just let them play! And even if the Celts lose the series, at the end of the day, i would be ok with it because they battled hard and lost to a better team. Not because the lost to a worst team who had help from the refs.

    Celts will win Game 2!

    • Nate

      They wont win game two and Boston isnt better than Miami. You are insane if you think Boston can beat Miami now 4 out of 6.

  • Nathan

    These refs make me sick to my stomach
    Same repeat of bs that went on in game 1 Iast years celtics heat

  • jack

    Seriously im done with the nba. The most obviously lopsided officiating ive ever seen happens in miami. These douchebags are calling the series. Grow some juevos, Stern, you classless hack. Boooooooo!!!

  • W2.

    Refs had little to do with a putrid first quarter. Rondo's layups didn't even hit rim….yuck. Praying to basketball gods in preparation for game two!

  • adel

    I know Allen looked really old and Paul too. But the refs were bad and that got to rondo! and he couldnt pick up the team to perform better. Paul should play at 2 and MP should take James.

  • jr9901

    C- for Ray is very, very generous. What does it take to get an F around here? Ok… it wasn't F-worthy, but certainly D. I love Ray, but he's gotta step up or step away. The former doesn't look likely, so I guess Doc's either gonna ride him till the team keels over, or finally let him sit. Guess we'll see soon.

    • janos

      Is overal problem this articles grade

  • Jamie

    I don't understand why Ray plays 39 minutes when it's obvious to anyone with 2 eyeballs that his ankle is so bad he can't play. Doc would be better off putting in Daniels more in those minutes to at least D up o Wade.

    Who ever thought at the beginning of the season that we would be saying in May that Avery Bradley was the key to us getting in the finals??

  • noche

    I wish JVG would speak up. You can always tell during the game when he feels the officiating is poor because he gets quiet. There were numerous times where they showed a replay and he stopped talking.

    I hate to blame the refs for anything and the C's really played terrible last night BUT…

    I just didn't like watching Pierce and Rondo (okay Rondo went away from contact too much) attack the rim, get body checked by 3 people, have the ball knocked loose, and have it credited as a block. Then LBJ and Wade get nicked and are at the line (for example the Pietrus "foul". Two plays later they showed a replay of a missed Ray jumper and Wade whacked his elbow – no call, same contact). Consistency is all that matters. Just call it both ways.

    Then again the C's were miserable from the stripe last night anyway.

    • Jamie

      Like where Bass got it in the face on a rebound, so he drops the ball and he's holding his face for 5 minutes, but that's not a foul. They go to the other end and we breath on a guy….whistle blows.

      • JR99

        JVG and everyone else involved with anything related to the NBA make their living FROM the NBA. And nobody wants to bite the hand that's feeding him. That's (part of) how the league keeps getting away with this crap, even in the era of nationwide TV and DVRs in most homes.

        My fav example of blatant ref misconduct was when Lebron blocked Rondo's shot from behind, but SLAMMED his body into Rondo which threw RR face down onto the ground. No call. (And JVG actually ARGUED that it was a good call!! What an idiot.)

        A minute later, Pietrus gets called on a foul for barely grazing Lebron's body when he went up for a foul-hunt shot attempt. I mean, the refs in this game were RIDICULOUSLY one-sided, and it destroyed the Cs' ability to play effectively. No wonder Rondo stopped driving hard to the hoop. He knew he could seriously hurt in there, since the Heat were fully aware of how the refs were twisting this game.

        The NBA is a joke…has been for a long time. The technology is there today to fix these problems. The fact that nothing is done is a further indictment of this league.

  • Josh

    KG was the only one who showed up last night. We need less Ray and more MP/MD. 3-7 from the ft line is a sign this guy needs to sit down. Also, somebody tell Bass he is built like a truck, and that he should average more than 5 rebounds a game. Lastly, I miss Bradley……alot.

  • greenman

    How about when Ray got called for a foul when the ball hit wade in the face?!

  • Anthony

    Lebron took 3 steps on that running bank shot. Thought that was an obviously call. And Dwade nearly knee Pierce in the groin on the driving left hand layup.

    • srb

      Three steps isn't a travel anymore, even when it's as obvious as Lebron's was. Its gotten so bad the TV guys don't even mention stuff like "he got away with a travel" anymore.

  • Rich

    Can I just say that as a Cavs fan nothing is more angering than watching Pietrus clank it up. He's had one good series in his entire life, and for the remainder of his career has been hot garbage. That one series happened to come against Cleveland in the 2009 Conference Finals. Since then, an offensive disaster. I hate this guy.

  • High Rollers

    Does such an acerbically witty grades post requires the hot mess of last night as inspiration? Cuz if it does, I hope you’re never funny again. I know you will be providing a few more barbs before all is said and done. I just hope it’s only three or fewer out of the seven crazy possible nights. We’ve got the IQ. We’ve got the speed (at least Rondo does). Can we put it all together in the face of the 350lb. bogeyman in time? I’ll go knock on some oak now.

  • janos

    Hi Haynes, is Janos
    Overa ll am very disapoint post. many joke to many, on lose? is not time joke. and then one joke post, gives petras grade hirer rondos? is not joke.?

    this articles bad end on , bad night.

  • dRgonZo279

    The tech calls in the 1st half were baffling. Doc's especially. I'm optimistic for game 2 if we pull our free throwing together and get some refs that don't act like the Heat have lined their pockets with cash.

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