Al Jefferson: Kosta Koufos, a lottery-protected Utah pick, and a lottery-protected Memphis pick they will probably never see.
Ryan Gomes: Traded to Portland, along with the draft rights to Luke Babbitt, for Martell Webster. The Blazers asked Gomes not to fly to Portland and cut him almost immediately.
Sebastian Telfair: Traded, along with Craig Smith and Mark Madsen, for Quentin Richardson. Then Richardson was traded a month later straight up for Mark Blount. So Telfair got the Timberwolves some of Mark Blount.
(This move was all designed to shed Telfair’s salary.)
(Almost exactly a year later, the Timberwolves gave up Ramon Sessions and Ryan Hollins to get Telfair back on the same contract they’d tried to shed a year ago.)
(Sessions would be third on the Timberwolves in PER today and Hollins would be sixth. Craig Smith would be fourth. Telfair is eighth.)
Gerald Green: Somebody named Paulao Prestes, some cash, and the birthday cake dunk.
Theo Ratliff: Nothing.
Two 2009 picks: These became Jonny Flynn and Wayne Ellington.
So, if we organize these guys by impact, Minnesota traded Kevin Garnett for…
Jonny Flynn, some of Martell Webster, Kosta Koufos, Wayne Ellington, Paulao Prestes, a protected Utah pick, some of Mark Blount, negative Craig Smith, some cash and salary flexibility rendered completely irrelevant by the Darko signing, and the birthday cake dunk.
There’s a hit “12 Days of Christmas” parody song lurking in there somewhere. “Some of Mark Blount” is the “five golden rings” part.
According to David Berri’s Win Score stat, these assets have earned the Timberwolves 4.79 wins this season. 2.82 of those are Martell Webster’s, who probably shouldn’t be included because Gomes didn’t exactly get them Martell Webster; the Blazers reluctantly agreed to take on Gomes in order to get Luke Babbitt. That wins figure also doesn’t account for subtracting Craig Smith, which would bring it to 3.04 using the Win Score Smith Smith has with the Clippers right now.
In any case, Garnett, three-plus years after the deal, has earned the Celtics a team-leading 7.60 wins this season.
If you’re going to build a case for this trade around the birthday cake dunk, I’ll hear you out.