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The NBA Store: Where You Can Buy This Painting

 

pau

This is a painting of Pau Gasol. It is, frankly, terrifying. That beard is positively Biblical. Almost Amish.

What is Pau staring at? Is he watching Kobe shoot another 20-foot fallaway? Is he angry? Pensive?

One thing is for sure: This is only like the 22nd most ridiculous thing you can buy at the NBA store, where I ran around for 30 minutes on Sunday because my girlfriend was kind enough to indulge me on our way to Rockefeller Center.

Hey, kid! I know what you want for Christmas: A white warm-up T-shirt featuring the name and number of a guy who hasn’t played in three weeks because his coach hates him!

whitenateshirt

Trivia: What is wrong with the set of gifts pictured below?

bobbles

The perfect gift for any Grizz fan. I think Michael Heisley especially would like one. (Note: Somehow these were still selling for more than $1).

AIgrizz

Speaking of AI, the folks at the NBA store wasted no time moving the Iguodala jerseys to the back of the rack with the Willie Greens.

iversonlocker

Easily the worst set of gifts at the NBA store:kobe

Easily the best Laker-related gift at the NBA store:
rodmanla

If you are dating a Celtics fan who reminds you of Snookie from Jersey Shore:

sparkly

If you have completely run out of ideas for that special someone who really loves the NBA:

heatbrush(For whatever reason, I don’t want my tooth brush to be puke orange/brown).

The single most depressing jersey in the store, available on only one rack hidden in the bottom floor of the store and out of any sight lines:

yi

Pandering? Or do they deserve this sort of prominent display?

andreaomar

The best-looking Bird in basketball history:

sue

And the best female player ever:

DT

Saddest attempt to promote the Knicks:

models

I had no idea I wanted one of these until I saw it:

wnbacrazystraw

I can’t decide if this is lamer than the pink jerseys/hats a select subset of female fans seems to like. I think it’s lamer:

pink

Steve Nash: serial killer:

nash

He hasn’t even played one game!

griffin

Yes, this is what it appears to be: KG made out of Legos. I half expected the thing to start dropping F-bombs:

kganddork

(And, no, I’m not a priest).

You cannot buy the KG made of legos. It seems like you should be able to, though. It’s far less ridiculous than buying a Yi jersey.

Happy holidays!

  • http://mvn.com/celtics17 Celticsfanatic

    Kobe bobblehead looks like he has gray hair, the Spurs bobblehead looks like a combo of Jalen Rose and Bruce Bowen, and T-Mac looks WAYYYY too defined.

    Sweet post, had some laughs. Awesome Knick promotions.

  • Cptn Bubbles

    Who is doing these paintings & how did they get Nash & Pau to pose for so long? This captures our beloved dark side of the nba. Imagine ‘where caring happens’ adds with these jewels…..

    Nice post. I loves pictures.

  • Cptn Bubbles

    I always knew KG, D Wade, Tony Parker, & Kobe were cut from the same mold….

  • slam

    (And, no, I’m not a priest).

    LOL’d at this.

    So that’s what ya look like Zach…. I’ll never read your words the same way again, and no, that’s not a bad thing :)

  • Ross in Maine

    My wife freaks out every time that add with Steve Nash comes on … So when I read your “serial killer” caption, … lets just say now everyone in my office knows I’m not working on official business! Very funny, a nice amusing side-trip for you Z.

  • winnetou

    T-Mac is wearing #3 this year (nba.com’s playerfile has a picture of him wearing #1, but lists #3).
    Ariza has #1.

  • Jaka

    bobbleheads 08, starring Martin Lawrence as Kobe, and Omar Epps as Garnett!

  • http://www.celticshub.com Zach Lowe

    @winnetou: Nice work. I love that the damn near life-sized bobble head that probably costs hundreds of dollars has the wrong freaking number.

    And yes–KG does look like Omar Epps there. When’s the last time dude had a goatee?

  • mowe

    What’s Vinny Del Negro doing at the NBA store?

    : )

  • http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Manos_-_The_Hands_of_Fate mike c

    Are we *sure* that first painting is Gasol?

    Are we absolutely positive it isn’t Torgo from “Manos: The Hands of Fate”?

  • http://lifeondumars.com/ toasterhands

    Steve Nash, serial killer… hilarious.

    Good stuff.

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  • http://www.happy.com Happy

    Happy Holidays Everyone! All the best for the New Year.

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    This is excellent! How did you learn this stuff?

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    going to show my boyfriend this later :)

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    Oh you know I really like the first picture!What is the technic – sanguine?

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