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The Tony Allen Dos and Donts List

 

There’s something I should make clear: I want Tony Allen to succeed. And not only because I just bought a flat-screen TV and would like it to last at least a few weeks before I hurl my remote at it. 

tatowelheadFor now, we are stuck with TA. Yes, he has an expiring $2.5 million contract that could be packaged before the trade deadline with one or more of the C’s other expiring deals, but that’s going to be more difficult to pull off than most fans understand. 

For now, TA is going to play double-figure minutes for this team while Marquis Daniels is hurt. His success would help the second unit, reduce the burden on Ray Allen and Paul Pierce and give the C’s a player who could diversify their offensive arsenal by getting to the foul line. It would also be a nice coda to a career until now defined by bizarre injuries, shady off the court connections, sloppy dribbling and maddening brain cramps. 

It was in this spirit that I introduced the Official Tony Allen Dos and Donts List after Monday night’s game. Right now, it only has six items. 

Here is my mission for readers: Let’s build on this list. Together, we can guide Tony Allen into being a successful player. This is not meant to poke fun at TA (honest). Many, many players with far less raw talent have built productive careers by recognizing their limitations and doing only what they are good at. We need Tony to do this. The team needs him to do it.

Below is the original (and very short) Tony Allen Dos and Donts List. Please add your own suggestions in the comments. We’ll pick the ones we like best and add them to the official list, which I can only assume will one day either be in the Smithsonian next to the Declaration of Independence or revered like the golden tablets that told Joseph Smith to found Mormonism.

Remember: The goal is not to insult Tony. We’re here to help.

THE ORIGINAL TA DOS AND DONTS LIST

DO: Post up smaller players

DON’T: Try and do anything beyond the basics while running a screen/roll

DO: Throw entry passes. It is an underrated skill, and he is good at it. 

DON’T: Drive to the basket if doing so involves more than one defender.

DO: Defend the best wing player on the other team for a few possessions each game

DON’T: Foul that player as he shoots a jump shot with less than five seconds on the shot clock.

That’s it. Go to work.

  • Jim Weeks

    I actually believe in one:

    DON’T: Dribble more than three times. This rule was actually created by Tommy Heinsohn.

    However, just for fun:

    DO: Throw down reverse dunks in garbage time – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OKjzKCPiCWg&feature=player_embedded

    DO: Eat salmon and mashed potatoes before games – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=puMJxcmqYbg

    DO: Throw down borderline obnoxious fast break dunks: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFrjH-h7WBw

    DO: Throw passes off the backboard for dunks – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LCo6bkVnfzQ

    DON’T – Briefly black out after dunks. I vaguely remember a rumor that Allen momentarily lost track of everything after monster dunks.

  • Jimmy

    Do: Crash the offensive glass

    Don’t: Bring the ball up court if Rondo, Pierce, Ray is on the floor

  • Spencer

    DO- take your man off the dribble and pull up for the 7 footer
    DON’T- take your man off the dribble and drive right into their 7 footer

  • http://www.celticshub.com Zach Lowe

    @Spencer: Zing!

  • newyorkceltics

    DO – excuse yourself as unfit if Doc ever puts you in the game to defend a shooter with the game on the line.

    DON’T – foul said shooter if Doc puts you in anyways

  • Jon

    Do – play hard until you hear the whistle

    Don’t – do anything after

  • Daryl W.

    Do- play like Boston Celtics with likes of Pierce, Garnett, Allen, Rondo and the rest.

    Don’t- play like you are at playground.

  • j folger

    DO- Keep scaring 2 guards with your D

    Don’t- Dribble with your head down. (high school basics)

  • DRJ1

    Don’t – dribble off your foot. Ball must hit ground in order to bounce up again.
    Don’t – throw the ball to any member of the opposing team during live play.
    Don’t – think. Just play basic, basic basketball. Keep everything simple.
    Do – interest some GM somewhere in this world in the value of taking you in a trade. This is your most important instruction.

  • http://facebook.com James

    omg we need 2 play a drinking game…whenever ta has a to u take a drink…ull b drunk after a qtr

  • Conall Mac Michael

    On the subject of basketball related drinking games me and my mates came up with a great one. You watch an NBA All Star game with all of the all stars names in a hat. Each player draws a name from the hat and they are that player for the game. For each positive stat that your player has (baskets, rebounds, assissts, steals, blocks) you have to take a drink. We had other rules as well like if your player makes a play that is replayed 3 time you have to drink etc. We watched the 97 game. I drew MJ. He had a triple double that year. Needless to say i was very drunk. Great game.

  • http://CelticsHub.com Zach Lowe

    There are some phenomenal ones on here so far. Keep ‘em coming.

  • Spencer

    DO – keep yourself between your man and the basket on D
    DON’T – stop and stare before the play is over or once the shot goes up (box out!)

  • Tom

    DO – Make more baskets than turnovers

    DON’T – Try to put up a shot against 4 guys (see the Chicago game)

    Can you guys name other NBA players who are as frustrating (aka stupid) as Tony Allen?

  • Tebucky

    DO – listen to the “TONY NOOOO” screams from the balcony section, we can see your turn overs/awful field goal attempts coming at least 10 seconds before you can.

    DON’T – shoot.

  • dranen645

    whoever drew glen rice on that 97 game must have gotten hammered

  • Jay P

    @James…

    The Tony Allen drinking game is a bad idea, trust me, I’ve personally tried it. Worst night ever…

  • Jay P

    @Conall,

    That is awesome, I have to try that this year.

  • http://www.celticshub.com Zach Lowe

    CelticsHub’s official stance is to oppose any Tony Allen-related drinking game. It would be a public safety hazard.

  • sam_lt

    Do- Stay aggressive on deffense and the boards.
    Don’t- Take a step backwards (out of bounds) to begin your drive to the basket.

  • Ant

    TA is the kind of player who plays better the more time he gets. Therefore, a DO and DONT list for Doc.
    Do: play him 15+ mins a game
    Dont: play him 5 mins or less a game

  • denton

    DO: Keep watching the tapes of the last 20 games before you busted your knee (kid was usually the best player on the court)

    DON’T: Listen to the haters

  • Brendan Jackson

    Does anyone have any Inside Info on whether or not Tony Allen plays the Tony Allen Drinking Game during games? Is he buddies with Ron Artest?

    @Conall
    on a related note, please excuse the stereotype, but leave it to the Irishman to come up with NBA drinking games.

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  • Adam

    Here’s a good drinking game if you want to be happy while watching the C’s. Everytime Ray Allen makes a FT, sip. A FG, drink. If it’s a 3, chug (or shot). If it’s a game-winner, finish all the alcohol in the room. Get’s you hammered and helps ease the sting of all the stupid things Tony Allen does over the course of a game as well.

  • Kevin

    DON’T: try to handle the ball on the break, find someone, anyone, else.
    DO: Run hard and fill the lane.

    DO: Cut hard to the basket when your man leaves you.
    DON’T: Try to handle the ball in the half court, find someone, anyone, else.

  • Mack

    Hey Zach nice article but being a die hard celtic fan I support the number 1 player all the way to the 15th man (suits and ties) but we as fans need to get over the foul he commited on Chauncey Billups I hated it too but since his injury he came back and gave us a boost yeah he’s injury prone but I tend to look at the good in a lot of Celtics and before the bone head dunk (torn ACL) I honestly thought he could have been an all star caliber player.

    GO CELTICS # 18

  • phono

    Do: not play.

    Don’t: play.

  • DRJ1

    I have to say…

    I’ve gotten more laughs from this blog entry and its comments than I remember from any other. Which leads me to, finally, appreciate Tony Allen’s value to this ballclub. It’s simple. He’s the comic relief. An essential/important part of any story.

    Amble on, T! There’s no one else like you, and, with some luck, there never will be.

  • http://hoopstersworld.wordpress.com miss_moxie

    DON’T: get injured anymore. Please?

  • Idaho

    I cannot participate, it is flawed from the premise…

    Golden tablets didn’t tell Joseph Smith to “found” mormonism.
    :)

    I did get some good laughs though.

  • rondo-is-love

    DO: be a part of suh-weeeeeeeeeeeet alley-oops involving Rondo or Ray Allen.

    DON’T: try to show off on the court again and only end up getting injured.

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  • http://Aol.com Matt

    Do- Order and Watch “Better Basketball Basics”
    (stick with volume 1 it’s about your speed)
    Do- Hire rajons shooting coach
    Do- Drive the lane hard…but only to drAw the foul
    Do- Improve your trade value (fool them all)
    Do- Lower your turnovers
    Do- Do what your good at….defense…that’s all just defense

    Don’t- Pretend you can shoot outside 12feet
    Don’t- Pretend your an offensive weapon
    Don’t- Get hurt…again!
    Don’t- Do too much! (Keep it simple stupid!!)
    Don’t-embarass doc or Boston

  • http://theclippersnation.com/ clippersnation

    Great and owesome. eheehe. Keep us updated. thanks.

  • http://www.onlinegamefree.net Gmaes

    DO- take your man off the dribble and pull up for the 7 footer
    DON’T- take your man off the dribble and drive right into their 7 footer

  • http://free.download8000.com down

    Do: not play.

    Don’t: play.

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    I actually enjoy this blog. Discovered it on Google and you put up some great information. Look forward to the next post.

  • http://androidbattery.net droid

    im super tired and tired of the battery on my droid going down so fast, seriously annoys the heck outta me, see what happens, find a good site and BAM my battery is dead, so yeah, i luckily had enough battery to read this and post the comment haha, i have no life. yay me!

  • http://www.fagikillloo.com calvin frank

    It seems too complicated and very broad for me to comprehend.

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